Nick: Hey, did you go to DSA?
Me: What? No.
Nick: Oh. you just looked kind of familiar.
Me:… yeah, uh. I had AP lang with you. And AP lit actually. Junior and Senior year.
Nick: Oh… well… hey! I’m Ni-“
Me: Nick Creighton. I know.
Nick: …
Me: …

Anonymous asked: When I eat a girl out, how can I give them the most pleasure? Serious question.

And you choose to ask ME??? hahah.. hahah. hah. 
I have personally never really enjoyed oral sex. Hence my post earlier about me trading it for cheese for the rest of my life. 

What I’ve learned from scary movies:
Stay the fuck away from windows and doors that are slightly ajar,
Don’t volunteer to do anything,
And don’t date blonde girls. Because they die first, and they always take you down with them.